Feel what you fear

There is no harm in being afraid, but at the same time, we must talk with our dear ones to avoid stress

When my brother was in 8th standard, he had flunked in class. He is appearing for boards next year and my parents are extremely worried. They are constantly poking him and making him more afraid. I can feel him but what can I do?

Dinesh Ojha, West Bengal

Probably the past is the reason why they are getting extra hyper. They are concerned too. But, you have to ensure that he needs to focus on his studies and forget everything about the surrounding. Do you have earplugs/ earphones? Just give it to him and ask him to use them. Don't let any external pressure pull the spirit down. We all have our lows and highs and it is just a matter of a few more months for situations to fall into place.

Ask him to be patient, confident and concentrate on his exams. Don't argue with your parents, ignore peacefully and keep being such an ideal elder brother.

Our romance is over since my wife got too busy with the children. I feel that I might land up betraying my wife. Would that be a crime?

Name withheld

Crime? Well, that is too strong a word and is completely based on your perception. I understand how difficult your situation is. Why don't you force her to take a holiday or a weekend break with you? If she is avoiding this, just warn her that you will go and explore the vacation offer that one of your woman colleague was indicating! Jealousy and insecurity will heal your situation and might act as a catalyst.

My boyfriend is always busy loving himself. Is he a narcissist? How do you identity that?

Pamita Singh, Gurgaon

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a long-term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others' feelings. As he is your boyfriend, you are the best judge to understand if he is the kind to be affected by NPD. Does every sentence that comes out of his mouth start with 'I'? Ideally he should care about what is going on with you. He should also care about the world around him, not just himself. It is often not easy to put up with a person who is self-obsessed. Do what you think is right and take every step cautiously.

Though my fiance is earning yet he is always broke. I have to pay bills and support financially. What to do?

Name withheld

In a case where you're paying for everything, it is sometimes frustrating and burdening. There might be times when as a couple you'll are low on cash. Lavish gifts and fancy dinners might be out of question. But, if he's supposedly dirt poor yet he expects you to pay for it all, he could be happy just being supported by you. I've seen it happen many times where a guy is very generous in the beginning; but once he's comfortable, he conveniently forgets his wallet every time the bill arrives. There's nothing wrong with treating him sometimes, but if he's unwilling to share the costs, it might get difficult.

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