Companionship & compatibility

Many relationships are left torn between the importance of companionship and romantic or passionate love

I am a 28-year-old woman. I have been in a relationship since 7 years but now I am losing interest. Please suggest how to communicate and get over with this.

Name withheld

Just speak to him, that you don't feel the same any longer, the fact that you have mentally moved on and you want to take a break from the existing definition of the relationship. Be polite but firm. The whole point in a relationship is to have reciprocating feeling and trust. If either of them is lost then relationship gets weak and eventually dies. Give it sometime and don't rush into conclusion. You will have to make him understand that this gap is essential to figure out the future. Talk and get it resolved. I am confident that you will be able to do it. If this gets difficult and nasty, involve your family and seek their help to sort this. Be confident of your decision and execute it. Take care.

We are married for 19 years and though I love my husband, I feel it's not the same anymore. Is there a problem with him or is it my issue!

Reva, Singapore

Most long-term partners (especially after long years in a marriage) go through phases of feeling stuck or where you love each other but do not feel the spark anymore. Learn to accept that it's natural that your relationship changes over time. Companionship, compatibility, shared history and knowing someone inside-out are often the things people value in long-term relationships, yet sometimes these get taken for granted. If these things don't feel enough for you and you want to create more excitement, try to think about what needs to happen, then talk to your partner. Communicate transparently and don't assume that he knows it all. Try to be part of the solution to getting out of the feeling rather than complaining about your partner's role in getting you stuck or worrying what's wrong with you.

I have been wanting to discuss some important matters with my husband. He is a very senior corporate head and is hardly home. I don't know what to do.

D Kapoor, New Delhi

Think through what you want to say first. Choose your time and place. Practice "talk time", where you each have three minutes to say what you need to say uninterrupted and then your partner responds. Use email or write a letter if you have something important to say that you can't find the words for or he doesn't spare the time to listen to you. Try to use "I" statements and avoid blaming the other person; when people get defensive it's hard to listen well. Be cool and do the needful.

My son is an Engineer settled in USA. He is having a relationship with the wrong girl and recently he conveyed his decision to marry her. What can I do?

G Sen, Kolkata

I don't understand the definition of the 'wrong girl'. How did you derive to the conclusion that she isn't right for your son? Assuming that your son is a matured adult who is doing well in life, I think that as parents you'll should support his decision. He has all the right to choose his life partner. Don't be upset about situations that are not in your control. Let him handle his life and his love. Stay away from such worries and lead a better life.

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