ACCEPTANCE IS KEY

I suffer from insomnia. What can be the reason?

Zakhir, New Delhi

Insomnia is the inability to get the amount of sleep you need to wake up feeling rested and refreshed. Because different people need different amounts of sleep, insomnia is defined by the quality of your sleep and how you feel after sleeping – not the number of hours you sleep or how quickly you doze off.

Psychological problems that can cause insomnia: depression, anxiety, chronic stress, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder.

Medications that can cause insomnia: antidepressants; cold and flu medications that contain alcohol; pain relievers that contain caffeine; thyroid hormone, high blood pressure medications.

Medical problems that can cause insomnia: asthma, allergies, Parkinson's disease, hyperthyroidism, acid reflux, kidney disease, cancer, chronic pain.

Sleep disorders that can cause insomnia: sleep apnea, narcolepsy, restless legs syndrome.

When I get a new friend, I always spend a whole day looking up their birth chart, astrological implications etc. I don't know how to quit. Please help me!

Manjari, West Bengal

I think you should find a better way to spend your day. It will be hard at first but you have to learn self control and overcome the desire to do this. You'll be much-relieved when you can do it. Whenever you meet new people, just look into their personality or into something deeper that has nothing to do with astrology! What their birth chart says about them probably isn't going to be accurate at all! Why be concerned about that if you could just get to know the person for who they are. Astrology is a faith and probably science too. But, you will feel burdened if you don't change this habit NOW!

I think my husband is gay, but won't admit it.

Name withheld, New Delhi

It sounds like you are fighting a losing battle. Even if he isn't gay, I'm not sure why you would want to stay married. His behaviour, gay or not, aren't going to change and neither are your reactions to his behaviour likely to alter – which I'm sure will frustrate him as much as his frustrates you! Usually, I will suggest trying to work it out through counselling, etc – but it sounds like the problems outweigh the possibility of a solution. Have you and he discussed divorce? An amicable divorce would perhaps leave you both with a greater chance at happiness. Sometimes, two people just aren't meant to be together. Perhaps that is the case here. Don't worry. Wish you a happy life ahead.

I can't accept my break up. I really love him for many years. Please help!

K. Ghosh, Kolkata

Acceptance can only happen when the subconscious mind assures itself that the event is irreversible. Most people who want to stop loving someone prevent themselves from accepting that they can't have him by doing the following:

-Visualising good old memories;

-Keeping all the things that reminds them of the person (text messages, e-mails.. etc);

-Never confront the person directly and so keep the door open for hope.

All of these practices keep hope present and, as a result, prevent acceptance. If you want to stop loving that person, you should first accept what happened by confronting him and making sure that he has no intentions to resume the relationship. The second thing you should do is delete the mails, the text messages and remove everything that reminds you of him. Preventing yourself from thinking about him is another very important task, I know that sometimes thoughts flow involuntary, but at least you can prevent these involuntary thoughts from growing bigger.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)