Romance in the Age of Validation

Every February, Valentine’s Day arrives less as a celebration and more as an emotional examination. Red roses, curated restaurant menus, romantic pictures on social media with lovey-dovey captions no longer signal romance alone; they signal adequacy. Was enough done, was enough received, and was the relationship publicly validated in a way that meets the unspoken standard of today’s day and age of performative romance?

What began centuries ago as a loosely interpreted commemoration of St Valentine, slowly got romanticised through literature, folklore and cinema, and has now gradually transformed into something far more transactional. In its modern form, Valentine’s Day functions less as an expression of intimacy and more as a commercialised checkpoint for romantic legitimacy. One that quietly evaluates people based on their relationship status and visible participation.

From a psychological standpoint, this shift is not trivial and a heavy price to pay.

Love, in real life, is rarely dramatic or performative. It is built through consistency, emotional availability, mutual regulation during stress, and the capacity to repair conflict over time. Valentine’s Day, however, compresses the idea of love into a single, highly visible moment, where affection must be expressed in an “ideal” rather than “real” sense.

In this month when Cupid strikes couples, for many people, it has quietly become the month of psychological discomfort. Singles are repeatedly reminded of their status, not through direct judgment but through constant royal displays across social media. Couples feel pressure to demonstrate happiness, even when their relationship is navigating strain or fatigue. Those in difficult partnerships often experience the unease of performing normalcy, while commercial interests benefit from a system that rewards consumption over reflection.

The downside of all this pressure is that individuals question their worth because a gesture felt insufficient. Partners equate material effort with emotional commitment. Single adults internalise the belief that being alone represents delay, failure, or emotional inadequacy. These interpretations do not arise organically from human attachment; they are shaped by repeated social messaging.

Against the tide?

It is perhaps for this reason that alternative observances around Valentine’s Day have steadily gained relevance in pop culture.

Galentine’s Day (February 13): It foregrounds friendships, particularly female friendships that are emotionally sustaining yet culturally under-celebrated.

Palentine’s Day: Expands the idea further, acknowledging platonic bonds as legitimate sources of attachment and emotional regulation.

Anti-Valentine’s Day or Self-Love Day: February 14 itself has also been reinterpreted by many as Anti-Valentine, aka Self-Love Day. It allows space for people recovering from breakups, disentangling from unhealthy relationships, or simply opting out of performative sentimentality. In mental health terms, this represents a move away from external validation toward internal stability.

Singles Awareness Day (February 15): Frequently shortened to SAD, with deliberate irony, challenges the assumption that singlehood is a deficit state.

One persistent misconception is that stepping away from Valentine’s Day signals bitterness or emotional disengagement. In reality, many people choosing distance from it are deeply invested in meaningful relationships. What they are rejecting is the emotional theatrics of performance, not intimacy. They recognise that love cannot be scheduled, monetised, or adequately measured through public display.

Valentine’s Day does not need to disappear, but it does need to lose its exaggerated authority over our emotional validation. February can hold space for friendships, solitude, healing, and quieter forms of attachment that support psychological well-being far more consistently than grand gestures ever could.

Love, after all, is not defined by what is performed once a year, but by how people show up for each other when no one is watching.