Love, Crush—or Limerence?

Most of us have felt attracted to someone. A harmless crush. A flutter. A little excitement. But sometimes, the feeling doesn’t stay light. It grows heavier, louder, and harder to ignore.

Pria (name changed) described spending long stretches of her day thinking about a man she met at the gym. Nothing major had happened between them. Just small moments, a smile, a brief conversation, eye contact that felt meaningful. Yet these moments replayed in her mind again and again. She started noticing his routines, his mood, and how he behaved around others. In her head, stories formed about what could be. Online, she repeatedly checked his social media, re-reading posts and searching for hidden meaning. She knew she was overthinking. She knew these signs might mean nothing. Still, the attachment felt strong, one-sided, difficult to switch off, and emotionally draining.

This isn’t love. And it’s more than a casual crush. It is Limerence.

What is limerence?

Limerence is an intense emotional fixation on another person, marked by persistent thoughts, longing, and a powerful need for reassurance. Unlike love, which grows through mutual connection, limerence thrives on uncertainty. The mind becomes preoccupied with one question: Do they feel the same way?

It’s not a choice. Thoughts arrive uninvited, almost intrusive in nature. The person becomes mentally central, even if the relationship barely exists in real life.

Crush vs limerence

A crush is light and manageable. You think about the person, enjoy the feeling, and still stay grounded in your routine. If nothing happens, you move on.

Limerence is different. It hijacks attention. Small interactions feel emotionally charged. Neutral behaviour feels significant. Your mood rises and falls based on how you interpret their actions. Daily functioning can start to suffer.

Is it delusional?

This is where the line matters.

In limerence, insight is present. You know, on some level, that you may be reading too much into things. You can accept rejection, even if it hurts deeply.

Delusional love, also called erotomania, is different. Here, a person is convinced that the other individual loves them, despite clear evidence otherwise. The belief is fixed and unshakeable. In limerence, emotions overwhelm reality. In delusion, reality testing is lost.

Why does limerence happen?

Limerence often appears during vulnerable phases of life. After heartbreak. During loneliness. In periods of stress, low self-esteem, or emotional emptiness. The mind latches onto a person and turns them into a symbol of comfort, rescue, or being chosen.

Fantasies feel safer than real intimacy. There’s no real risk. No true rejection. Just hope.

Common signs of limerence

Persistent, intrusive thoughts about the person

Replaying interactions and imagining future scenarios

Strong emotional highs and lows are tied to perceived signals

Anxiety about rejection or disinterest

Idealising the person while ignoring red flags

Difficulty focusing on work, sleep, or other relationships

What helps break the cycle

Start by naming it. Clarity can help reduce its power.

Set boundaries, especially around social media and mental rehearsals.

Redirect energy back into your own life by routine, relationships, and purpose.

Address the unmet needs underneath the fixation rather than judging yourself for having it.

Bottom line

Limerence feels intense, meaningful, even magical at first. But it narrows your world instead of expanding it. Love adds to your life. Limerence slowly replaces it.

If you find yourself struggling with intrusive thoughts that are disrupting your life, please seek help from a mental health professional.