Lies, liars and lying
2 Feb 2015 4:57 AM IST
My partner is a compulsive liar and I’m extremely upset with this habit. Why does he lie to me?
Name unknown
There are people who lie and then there are liars. All people, at some point or another, lie. White lies exist but we often substitute the word “excuses” for “white lies”. But it’s basically the same thing. On the flip-side, there are habitual liars. These people develop a habit of lying. Sadly, here are three hard truths about liars:
A. Liars are in love with themselves: Think about it, why do people lie? What are their motives? They don’t want to look stupid, they don’t want to be wrong, they don’t want to let people down, they want to keep everyone happy and they want to get what they want. All these motives have the “self” at the centre.
B. Liars are cowards: Anyone who lacks the courage to speak the truth is a coward. Cowards are really hard to love. They will perpetually frustrate you. Instead of admitting their shortcomings, their failures or their basic humanness – they will lie in order to cover it up.
C. Liars have no legs to stand on: At the end of the day, what do you have besides your good name or your reputation? Liars essentially chop their own legs through continual denial and lying. They destroy their own reputation.
I love a guy but not sure if he feels the same for me. How can I find that out?
Name unknown
After much thought and research, here’s what I feel. Some points that can help you identify:
A. He’s completely honest: If he’s falling for you he would like to be as transparent as possible with you. Through this trait you could judge and trust him completely.
B. He wants you to like what he likes: Yes, they might not be things you actually want to do, but it’s a great sign that he wants you to experience the things he loves... at the same time he understands that you have your own interests
C. If he’s falling for you, he’ll give you your own space.
D. He might introduce you to his family and friends: When he asks you to meet his mother and father over Sunday lunch, or have a few drinks with his friends in the pub, you know he is smitten.
E. He takes out time for you: If he plans to go out with you in the evenings and forgoes a night out with his friends, you must know he’s showing signs of interest.
F. He’s genuinely interested in you: If he’s falling for you, he’ll want to know every detail about you – from that scar on your right knee to anything and everything that concerns you.
My husband sleeps immediately after we make love. This has been happening for three years now! Please help!
Shweta, West Bengal
Well, it is apparent that good love puts him to sleep. Try talking to him some other time. Maybe you should choose a time where the two of you are just cuddling or when you’re lying on the bed doing nothing. If you try to keep him awake for long, he might just doze off in between and in turn make you angry. Just try and find a better time and let him get his sleep.
My son is in Class III. He’s not studying at all and I fear that he will fail!
Mrs. Avasti, New Delhi
Your aim must not be to make him study more and more. Instead, you should try and let him take the responsibility and he will find success eventually. You must encourage him by celebrating his success even if he does well in a small class test. But do not make it a habit as he might start blackmailing you in future. Children get distracted very easily. Make sure study time is a quiet time in the house and all the family members cooperate if it is a small house.
Send your questions to - [email protected]
Name unknown
There are people who lie and then there are liars. All people, at some point or another, lie. White lies exist but we often substitute the word “excuses” for “white lies”. But it’s basically the same thing. On the flip-side, there are habitual liars. These people develop a habit of lying. Sadly, here are three hard truths about liars:
A. Liars are in love with themselves: Think about it, why do people lie? What are their motives? They don’t want to look stupid, they don’t want to be wrong, they don’t want to let people down, they want to keep everyone happy and they want to get what they want. All these motives have the “self” at the centre.
B. Liars are cowards: Anyone who lacks the courage to speak the truth is a coward. Cowards are really hard to love. They will perpetually frustrate you. Instead of admitting their shortcomings, their failures or their basic humanness – they will lie in order to cover it up.
C. Liars have no legs to stand on: At the end of the day, what do you have besides your good name or your reputation? Liars essentially chop their own legs through continual denial and lying. They destroy their own reputation.
I love a guy but not sure if he feels the same for me. How can I find that out?
Name unknown
After much thought and research, here’s what I feel. Some points that can help you identify:
A. He’s completely honest: If he’s falling for you he would like to be as transparent as possible with you. Through this trait you could judge and trust him completely.
B. He wants you to like what he likes: Yes, they might not be things you actually want to do, but it’s a great sign that he wants you to experience the things he loves... at the same time he understands that you have your own interests
C. If he’s falling for you, he’ll give you your own space.
D. He might introduce you to his family and friends: When he asks you to meet his mother and father over Sunday lunch, or have a few drinks with his friends in the pub, you know he is smitten.
E. He takes out time for you: If he plans to go out with you in the evenings and forgoes a night out with his friends, you must know he’s showing signs of interest.
F. He’s genuinely interested in you: If he’s falling for you, he’ll want to know every detail about you – from that scar on your right knee to anything and everything that concerns you.
My husband sleeps immediately after we make love. This has been happening for three years now! Please help!
Shweta, West Bengal
Well, it is apparent that good love puts him to sleep. Try talking to him some other time. Maybe you should choose a time where the two of you are just cuddling or when you’re lying on the bed doing nothing. If you try to keep him awake for long, he might just doze off in between and in turn make you angry. Just try and find a better time and let him get his sleep.
My son is in Class III. He’s not studying at all and I fear that he will fail!
Mrs. Avasti, New Delhi
Your aim must not be to make him study more and more. Instead, you should try and let him take the responsibility and he will find success eventually. You must encourage him by celebrating his success even if he does well in a small class test. But do not make it a habit as he might start blackmailing you in future. Children get distracted very easily. Make sure study time is a quiet time in the house and all the family members cooperate if it is a small house.
Send your questions to - [email protected]
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