'Fought the impulse to do something harmful to myself'

Mumbai: Paying tribute to art director Nitin Desai, filmmaker Hansal Mehta recalled the low phase in his career when he fought the impulse to harm himself as he went through a "cycle of debt" after the failure of his films "Omerta" and "Simran".

Desai, known for creating the lavish sets of movies like "Devdas", "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" and "Lagaan", was found hanging at his studio in Karjat near Mumbai. His company ND's ‘Art World Pvt Ltd’ had defaulted on a Rs 252-crore loan to its financial creditor, according to an insolvency petition filed in a bankruptcy court last week.

Commenting on Desai's tragic death, Mehta said financial pressures in an industry run on emotions can be "debilitating".

"I have faced many a crisis, particularly after ‘Omertà’ and ‘Simran’. The failure of the film and the cycle of debt I got into led me toward a very dark place. The involvement of ‘powerful’ mediators or shall I say coercive forces made things even worse. It was a scary time. I fought the impulse very often in the not-so-distant past to do something harmful to myself," the director posted on ‘Twitter’, now branded X.

The "Scoop" director said he could emerge out of that phase mostly because of the comfort he received from his family and "some true friends" who he could talk to.

"But in times that I was alone it always felt like a deep, dark and endless tunnel. I wouldn't have original ideas to share. I wouldn’t have any creative thoughts and I often succumbed to considering myself much inferior to many around me - both as an artist and as a human being," he recalled.

"Somehow the faith that this darkness would end and even more by seeking professional help and of course being blessed enough to be immersing myself in work I’ve managed to emerge out of that awful phase. The great Nitin Desai’s tragic passing away and talks of his troubles got me revisiting that time. Am terribly sad at the loss of a remarkable artist. Om Shanti," he wrote.