Dating do’s & don’ts

I have just started dating someone seriously. How to ensure a good relationship?
Rajendra Sunder, New Delhi

Keep your promises. In most cases, we over commit. Do what you say you’ll do. Always respect her and her people. While dating, be on time. Keep the other informed about any changes. Do not take anyone for granted.

Stop assuming. Establish good lines of communication instead. Talk and express as much as possible.  
Listen to what she’s saying. Don’t pretend to listen – actually listen. Sometimes, the only thing we want is a good listener or a shoulder to lean on. Let her talk and be absorbed in what she’s saying. Be involved.

Never lie. Being open and never lying establishes great verbal communication, which is at the heart of all great relationships.

Minimise jealousy. You may get a little jealous from time to time, and that’s okay, as long as you try to not let it affect your relationship. Best wishes to you both.
I don’t want to cheat or lie yet I think I am attracted to a colleague at work. What should I do?
Name not given

Cheating is a form of lying. You wouldn’t be very accepting of your wife having an affair, so why would you? If you’re having an affair, take a good, hard look at your life and ask yourself why you’re married to the person you’re married to. If you love your wife but lust someone else, realise how unfair the situation is. You want the comfort of your wife, but you’re not willing to be exclusive and honest with her. This is selfish behaviour. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. If you no longer love your wife, then why are you still married to her? Either of you would probably be much better off if you were given the opportunity to find someone you truly loved, or someone who loved you back. Think about it.
I have joined a new school as a teacher and have to report in by 7 am. How do I wake up so early? I’m always a late riser.
Geeta, Kolkata

The idea here is to make waking up early a part of your day that you don’t absolutely hate and that will be sustainable for a long time. So if you normally wake up each day at 7 am but your goal is to start waking up at 5 am each morning, then you work up to that target time with a schedule like this:

Week 1: Wake up each morning at 6:30 am
Week 2: Wake up each morning at 6:00 am
Week 3: Wake up each morning at 5:30 am
Week 4: Wake up each morning at 5:00 am 

Doing it this way is manageable and you’re not dramatically altering your schedule and you are building on small wins each week. 

My fiancé recently told me that she had a very intimate relationship with her cousin who lives abroad. Though the affair is over, I’m not being able to come in terms after I have heard this. What to do?
Name not given, Patna

I think you should be happy that she has told you everything and hasn’t kept you in the dark. I think you should respect her honesty and let go of the past. It will be a bit difficult, yet the ghosts of the past shouldn’t be dragged into the present. Both of you have a good life ahead and if the love is true, these things won’t matter in the long run. Let go of the doubt before you get married. If the shadow lingers and haunt, then please give ample time to recover. Trust and faith are absolutely mandatory and you cannot continue a relationship with any pinch of doubt. 

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