Not by Choice

Men have waged wars over women – Lord Ram did for Sita, Helen of Troy’s face “launched a thousand ships”, and so on. In modern times too, men brandish their swords (and other things) with women as the primary reasons for conflict — or so they believe. Politics, marketing campaigns, virtual brawls — women often find themselves involuntarily at the centre of squabbles.

Operation Sindoor, for instance, just by its nomenclature, became about avenging women who had their husbands cruelly snatched away by terrorists at Pahalgam. When Colonel Sophiya Qureshi and Wing Commander Vyomika Singh accompanied Foreign Secretary Vikram Misri on press briefings about the India-Pakistan skirmish, many couldn’t stop talking. The optics were brilliant — women officers, that too of different religions, addressing the media about India’s strategies and military wins against Pakistan. India’s secular face that has in the last few years taken a beating for communal-fuelled lynchings and demolishments, was rescued on the international stage by our women. The media frenzy around the lady officers was unabated; their families were hunted down for interviews, their backgrounds and professional journeys were carried on leading news publications — overnight, these two ladies, especially Colonel Qureshi, became a talking point everywhere.

While the women officers drew unwarranted attention; not all limelight turned out to be good. Madhya Pradesh Minister Vijay Shah called Qureshi “a sister of terrorists”. A rap on the knuckle forced him to unequivocally tender in an apology. Meanwhile, in a bizarre case of police overreach, Ashoka University Professor Ali Khan Mahmudabad was arrested for a social media post that as per the Haryana Women’s Commission allegedly “disparaged women officers in the Indian Armed Forces” and promoted “communal disharmony”. His Facebook post had asked that victims of communal violence be similarly applauded as Indian citizens as had Colonel Qureshi. Around the same time, Vikram Misri and his daughter, Didon, were mercilessly doxxed; the latter based in London had provided legal support to Rohingya refugees, which became fodder for online troll armies. The counter campaign to protest this virtual barbarism also came speedily. And once again women continued to become the trigger, catalyst, and even the victims of wars started by men.

None of the women who stirred up conversations and controversies knowingly waded into the muck; they were dragged into it. Forceful co-option of women has been the norm for aeons. Sexist comments are passed upon women, misogyny and patriarchy are thrown at our faces as weapons to hurt and injure, and most importantly, deter our growth. Seldom do women start a scrimmage but often find themselves smack in the middle of it. Sophiya, Vyomika, Didon, and scores of other women would be perfectly content going about their lives, doing their jobs, and discharging their duties. But they are pulled into cheap gossip, idle chatter, vitriolic insults because, sadly even today, our gender is a cause for titillation in the country.

Let me tell you that there is a growing sense of fatigue among women who are made to stand out because of their gender. How long can the meaningless marketing gimmick of using women as advertisements of an ethos keep working? A few years ago, being part of the “women’s list” of anything was an aspiration. But women achievers of today want more — the topmost demand being to be included in gender-neutral lists where their achievements receive the same equitable platform and recognition as a man’s. Actual gender equality will come when rhetorical and social media affray don’t use women as excuses.

We don’t need men to duel on our behalf — us who are the privileged class can do so ourselves; and sure, we’d love men as allies. And I’ll tell you what empowered women fought this week while men unleashed proxy wars in our names. The Network of Women in Media, India (NWMI) strongly protested the inclusion of former Union Minister MJ Akbar in a high-level all-party diplomatic global outreach related to Operation Sindoor. The association asked for Akbar’s exclusion as he has faced multiple allegations of sexual misconduct during India’s #MeToo movement and “to ensure that India’s representatives truly reflect the values of dignity, respect, and justice for women”. In another instance, female journalists from Newslaundry filed a defamation suit against a Twitterati for use of repugnant language. Upon the direction of the Delhi High Court, the latter had to delete his disrespectful tweets. As I said, women don’t want to be the centre of trite attention. We don’t need men to fight our battles; we just need them to get out of our way.

The writer is an author and media entrepreneur. Views expressed are personal