A Masterclass in Conduct

Nitanshi Goel. 23 seconds. 53rd Filmfare Awards. If you are still wrestling to wriggle through the wordy tease, let them be knitted together to narrate a story of respect - unadulterated and unabbreviated. The Phool Kumari of ‘Laapataa Ladies’ had her moment in the sun when she was awarded the ‘Best Debut (Female)’. Nitanshi was wearing an off-shoulder sunshine yellow mermaid gown with a flowy train. When the winner was announced, she gingerly walked up the stairs, brimming with nervous excitement. The host of the evening stepped down to lend a helping hand to the elegant lady. She stumbled only to be nestled in his arms, safe and secure. She was held to navigate onto the dais, her fishtail held together. She did feel special. She did feel shielded. Who did it or does it every time unfailingly? Shah Rukh Khan.

Why did I pitchfork a viral Instagram reel and land it in an opinion column? Netizens have already scrolled over it a zillion times. Millions loved it, thousands commented. We have seen Shah Rukh do it before and will see him doing it in the future. He did it for Rani Mukherjee. He did it for Gauri Khan. He also did it for Janki Bodiwala. There is no novelty in the act itself. But what SRK does perpetually is to knock hard and remind every Indian man how to treat women — a message reverberating and resounding.

Shah Rukh is beyond his films. He is beyond the film world. He is the phenomenon unrivalled. He is the magic unexplained. He is the love story of India spanning over decades. He is the novel we read onscreen and learn from offscreen. He is the cultural lodestar in ‘The Starry Night’. His interviews or his public conduct is a masterclass for men where patriarchal high-handedness and gender equality are still debated discourses. ‘Respect’ and ‘Gentleness’ are the key words loading his spectrum whenever he opines on or engages with women.

Masculinity has often been measured in aggression, control, and emotional suppression. Shah Rukh is the counter-narrative to it - strength expressed through kindness, confidence through respect and love through consent. He celebrates women for being expansive and men for being accommodating. It does matter in a nation where cinematic chronicles shape widespread behavioural patterns as much as the laws do. When young men across generations grow up worshipping and idolising film stars, the lessons they absorb are not limited to dialogue and dress - they internalise attitudes towards women, relationships and gender dynamics. In a society where inequality manifests in covert and overt forms - from everyday sexism at home to discrimination in the public - the conversation around how men should behave with women is needed and desperately so. What can be a more profound and prevalent trigger than Shah Rukh himself? The man who has embraced a nation spreading arms, the actor who can colonise minds with love and even more love.

In the Waves 2025 session ‘The Journey: From Outsider to Ruler’, Shah Rukh iterated what he feels for women, ‘I hope that it does not come off as a cliché answer, but I have too much respect for women. It comes inherently and innately from within. I just feel genuine love for every woman that I come across in my life. I just find them kinder, and I think they are the ones who provide nature. They are connected to God and nature in some way, and I feel love for women in the kindest, rightest and most sensitive way of the world.’ His co-stars or co-actors cannot agree more. Deepika Padukone, who made her debut against him, profusely seconded, ‘It is not just respect for women when the camera is rolling; it is in every pore of his body. He is always aware of the presence of a woman, and he ensures that she is comfortable and well taken care of. It is not something he switches on. It is just inherently who he is, and I do not know him any other way, and I have known him since I was 16’. Those with incorrigible cynicism say it is all crafted and drafted by the mammoth PR machinery, which works silently. The stern statement should be: How can one be correct every time? If it is not ingrained, it is implausible. The same indoctrination we, the men, need.

Shah Rukh also dons the hat of real-life Jehangir Khan from ‘Dear Zindagi’, schooling wayward netizens on social media. A Twitterati asked him how to woo a girl, and he immediately objected to it, tweeting, “Start with not using the word ‘patana’ for a girl. Try with more gentleness and respect’’. In one conclave, a keen audience asked him about the ‘SRK psychology’ to attract women. With trademark wit and dimpled smile, he put it straight, ‘I have only one mantra and I say this to everyone. Be gentle with the lady, be courteous to a lady and be extremely respectful to a lady. It may be old-fashioned, open the door, take off your jacket in a puddle, do whatever. But do not ever disrespect a woman in any aspect. There is no conquering a woman, there is only having a partner in a woman’. Perhaps, it sums up all from the 60-year-old global icon who still vouches for ‘old-fashioned’ ways. Evidently, he carries the values of his parents, whose demise he opens up on with greater vulnerability. He seems one amongst us. He seems the one we should learn from. Shah Rukh also walks the talk. Starting with ‘Chennai Express’, he pledged to place the names of female leads before him on the credit rolls. A tectonic shift in an industry which sells toxic masculinity more often than not. His commitment transcends his filmy repertoire. He refrains from derogatory humour, avoids sexist tropes and is unequivocally vocal about consent and dignity.

We all have failed ourselves and failed the women around us. Once, twice, thrice or more. Respect for women is a fundamental social ethic. There cannot be a compromise on it. It must equally coexist with equal respect for men. Neither is it a world of misogyny nor of misandry. We have more men who claim to ‘protect’ women, but we do not have enough men who respect women. We do not need more custodians of women’s morality or safety. Protection can be patriarchal; respect is emancipatory. Every man has his yin and yang personalities. The masculine yang provides, the feminine yin nurtures. When both merge, we, the men, truly evolve as humans. Shah Rukh has provided us with a blueprint, a popular cultural canvas to paint on. It is our responsibility to draw a masterpiece of progress and transformation. Let us believe in Shah Rukh. To unlearn a lot and to learn a few on chivalry - not in shining armour, but with thoughts which outshine everything else.

Views expressed are personal. The writer is a communication professional and former journalist