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Millennium Post

Stand up and fight off violence

Stand up and fight   off violence
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I do not approve the man my mother is going around with. I lost my dad six years back and I'm a college student. How do I stop this? Please help.
Jaya, Noida

This disapproval could also be out of sheer possessiveness! Or, you might have reasons good enough to dislike the man in your mother's life. I strongly recommend that you have a very open conversation with your mother. Express everything you feel with reasons. In a situation where talk is difficult, you can write to her too. She must be completely aware of your feelings. If there is nothing you can do to stop, just let it be. Enjoy college life, change city when you can and have a happy life. Sometimes we do not understand the story of others. Let us focus to make ours better each day. Cheer up, good luck!

My husband beats me up. We are married for last 4 and half years and I'm living in hell. I'm so helpless!
Name unknown

You should have left him the day he put his hands on you and repeated it. To allow a man (or anyone) to put their hands on you and stay around is a form of mental destruction. How does that make you feel about yourself? What story do you tell others about the bruises? If you have kids that is the worst thing you could allow them to witness. They will grow up either beating their partner or they will know that it is wrong and make sure they never duplicate. Unfortunately people have the habit of repeating these sick actions if they are not stopped the very first time. I suggest, stand up and fight it out. Take strong steps and if need be, involve your family or close friends to seek legal advice. Keeping quiet and tolerating is no sign of showing strength or love. You will lose your mental peace, confidence and gradually be depressed. Please take a decision and we wish you good luck.

My brother has flunked in class. My grandmother is always criticising him. How do I tackle this? My parents are very annoyed.
Tanikaa, Kolkata

A great sense of humiliation and expression of self defeat can come from failing an important test or exam. When helping someone through this crisis, it's important to deal with the situation without resorting to criticism, rebuke, or making the person feel inadequate or confirming their sense of being a failure. Remind the unsuccessful candidate that he or she is only human. Sometimes a sensible reminder of the reality that we all err, helps calm and stabilise the situation. Encourage him or her to look to the positive side and to embrace practicing persistence. Refrain from mockery and damaging comments. Nobody benefits from being called useless, stupid, or having it insinuated that they're incapable of ever getting a thing right.
My wife earns more than me and she acts bossy and rude with the family. What can be done?
Mangesh Raja, New Delhi

If you are sure that her financial strength is the reason for your unhappiness, please try and work some better arrangements for yourself. Try and earn more, if possible. I do not know your profession but in today's time, multiple sources of earning is becoming vital for survival. In the mean time, try and express your heart to her. If she loves you, she might change her behaviour. Don't try your hands at something beyond you. Try your best to manage the relationship and hope she will change someday. Don't lose heart and be brave enough to be happy at whatever cost.

(Send your questions to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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