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Conflict of interests

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My parents are always fighting. My dad makes bitter sarcastic remarks and my mom acts mean too. I want to escape!

D. Singh, New Delhi 

Speak with one or both your parents about how their fighting affects you. It is best to do this with the two of them present, so they know how terrible you feel. During a fight, leave the room if possible. Go into your room, put on your headphones and crank up the stereo if you must. The further away you are from the “line of fire” (verbally speaking) the less likely you’ll be emotionally drained from the experience. Recognize that they are not fighting because of you. This is true even if your name comes into the conversation. In this case it has more to do with a disagreement between their personalities. Remember to stay confident. Don’t let this issue get in the way of how you feel about yourself. Try to say a couple good things about yourself before you go to school or anywhere. Contact any senior family member if you feel there is an imminent threat of danger to anyone in the house.

My mother is a single parent and since childhood she has been beating me up. She’s made me bleed many times too. I’m really scared of her.

Name unknown

Everything you mention indicates physical abuse. It is very wrong and should not be happening to you. Nobody has the right to hurt you like this. You deserve to feel happy and safe where you live. The quickest way for the abuse to stop is to tell a trusted adult such as a teacher or guardian or a senior member of the family, they will then be able to support you and contact people who can keep you safe. 

Do take care and be safe. You are important and there are people out there who would want to help to stop this abuse.

Have just delivered a baby and have put on a lot of weight. My husband is avoiding me since then.Can you guide.

S. Sen, Siliguri 

Are you absolutely sure that there are no other reasons for your husband to ignore you? Post childbirth, women are anyways sensitive and there could be some other reason too! I suggest, speak to him and propose a plan of yoga, gym or walks together. Visit a proper dietician and take care of your diet. Alongside, don’t let love fade and do everything to keep the romance alive. Sometimes a simple hug or kiss might also do wonders. Concentrate on your relationship and enjoy the joyride of parenthood.

My girlfriend is 9 years older than me. Is it a big deal? We want to get married.

Akshay Kapoor,  New Delhi

It is only a big deal when you allow yourself to believe so. 9 years is just enough to change the kind of music you both listen to and phases you experienced, but generally society and the way people are brought up do not change that drastically in 9 years. So chances are you will be more compatible than you think. People are always going to be quick to judge to make themselves feel better. But in the end, this is your life and you should move about it and make decisions that will make you happy! Don’t let the taboos and stereotypes keep you from taking risks!        

(Send your questions  to roopshashotm@gmail.com)
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